Oh the memories...
Couldnt help but feel like the melody was being drowned out by the strings in the middle and lower sections. I dunno if you used the same instrument patch or if its all the same, but you should turn down the volume or velocity on those notes. Its most noticeable in the dissonance from the suspensions. Some of the notes felt like they were cut off a little too early aswell.
Still, I apreciate this little trip back to the FF8 days. Squall, your such a hearthrob. Bout to look for my piano sheet music of this. Its deserving of a revisitation.